Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Early B-day Gift!

This morning, I stepped out of the house to find a gift basket from a neighbor:

How did I know this was from a neighbor? Because he left his calling card, literally!---actually, he left an entire BOX of business cards in this pile, in addition to Christmas cards (with accompanying envelopes bearing his address) from his Maw in Indiana. I do not recognize this person's name, but apparently he lives in a building a block away. I wonder how, and why, he decided to walk this box to my residence. Did he think I needed a box of used manilla folders, personal correspondence, dirty socks and underwear, bootleg CDs, and his business cards? My birthday is coming up, but how did this stranger know?!

I don't mean to be ungrateful, but I did not really like what he picked out for me. So, I did what any decent person would do: I put it all in a bag for him, taped his address to the top, and delivered it to his front door.

Hey, I don't want to be an unappreciative gift receiver, but I was a bit insulted by the tastelessness of his gift. I mean, who wants to receive underwear, much less DIRTY underwear, from a STRANGER? (Okay, probably a lot of perverts would pay good money for a stranger's used underthings, but I'm not one of them!!! .... which goes to show the importance of actually getting to know someone before picking out a gift for them. I mean really!)

I was also annoyed with this Dirty Santa because his business cards scattered over the sidewalk and curb, and my obese self had to get down on hands and knees to pick them up from the fecal-ful tree pit and even from under a parked car.

See that tube with the green label? Tis 'roid  cream. Presumably this was another scattered item from the gift pile. This is the only part of the gift basket that may come in use, as the whole experience proved to be an enormous pain in my ass!!

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Pissus crackiolus ..... and other highlights of the 43rd Avenue Garbage Show

On either end of 43rd Avenue (72nd Street and 74th Street), the garbage enthusiast will behold a cornucopia of filth: note, if you will, the three car tires, the assorted Heftys blooming with vibrant colors (some fine upstanding and considerate person cleaned out their closet?), as well as several sealed(-ish) bags containing mystery goods. And some of the lovely individuals who frequent this block have added their personal touch to the tableau: empty food containers. Yes, thank you, 43rd Avenue artistes!




                               *****

And wowzers, an actual fleur has pushed its weary head up from the cracks! This sad blogger is not a botanist, so she cannot tell you the name of a plant so hardy as to bloom and thrive in a sea of piss sprinkled with our local fertilzer: the white powder left in the tiny plastic baggies. Perhaps the Latin name is Pissus crackiolus?! 

Service Request #C-111-417-927121; called in to 311 Saturday, June 10, 2017.

UPDATE: On Saturday, June 17, 2017, these trash piles are no longer present. Thank you DSNY!!!!❤️